shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
