I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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