I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
