She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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