I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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