I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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