I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
is wine microwaveable?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
