On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
