what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
