i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
