I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
