Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
