You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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