I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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