I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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