I feel like abortions should bother me more
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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