he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
