i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
