I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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