Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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