Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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