I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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