i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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