I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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