I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
