Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
