My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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