First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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