i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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