Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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