there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
