Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
