I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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