"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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