I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
