I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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