i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
