i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
