Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
