walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
