Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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