I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
