I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
