I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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