Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
