return my video game
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
