Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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