I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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