I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
