Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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