11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
