We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
