he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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