plz talk dirty to me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
