Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
