how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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