If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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