Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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