I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
