In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
