You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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