Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
