I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
