All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
