You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
